I am there right now. I am forced to watch the battle unfurl and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I look for the sunshine and the rainbows, but they're hiding. They aren't strong enough to tear through the darkness creeping in.
Oh and how it creeps; slowly at first, twirling and whirling in a massive storm. Calm and subtle at first, there is silence and just a heavy gray burden of self loathing and guilt. It moves in without racing, destroying all the pretty things that are before it like the black plague that it is. Before it settles on my shoulders, taking over. Always present, no explanations, nothing. Just an empty void where imagination and beauty once lived.
I am lost out in this little black cloud, under which if I sit too long, grows in size till I can not even see out! There is nothing but black solid walls of turmoil swallowing me in their bitter and cruel embrace.
It doesn't last forever, eventually I fight back! I dive into the icy fingers over darkness. Taking huge gulping breaths! Hoping against hope that I come out on the other side. Hoping, that on that other side there is a tiny soft ray of sunlight. A warmth that I didn't feel inside the void.
I can almost taste it over the miasma of fear that is taking over. I can almost feel it wrapping itself around me like a warm blanket against the chill of a hateful embrace of nothingness.
It takes all my strength, all my fear is a tool against the overwhelming strength of the darkness trying to knock me down, count me out, swallow me whole. I am drowning and yet I can feel the burning in my lungs, as I gasp! As I break the surface!!!
I am still floundering! Arms stretched out hoping for something, anything to take me up. To grab my hand.
My fingers are slipping, there is no strength left in my body.
And then, as if awakening from a nightmare, my mind wakes up. There is sunshine again. I am still cold and afraid, but I can feel the warmth of tomorrow on my skin! I have won this fight this day. I have managed to break free of the chains of the black cloud, once more. It will be back, it always comes back. Today, however, I am free.