First, I’m gonna have to give you a little bit of background, or this will never make sense… Well, this might not make sense anyway, but here goes…My name is Jon; I’m a 33 year old guy. I've been married for 10 years to a wonderful woman who is my best friend. We have 2 kids. Short Stack is a 7 year old boy with ADHD. He’s definitely my best guy friend, and a mini version of myself. Mouse is the absolute cutest 17 month old girl in the world. She is madly in love with Mommy, Daddy, brother, Momo (Elmo), and a teddy bear that she somehow named Chloe. We have a wonderful family, good house, good (but underpaid) jobs, and a good overall life.
However, I have had to deal with so much crap and bad shit over the years… and several serious car accidents/head injuries, haven’t had a good job in almost 3 years (though if this proposal I’m working on works out, I’ll have a really good job), severe ADHD, chronic depression and anxiety, and some truly pleasant digestive health issues, Oh… and I’m adopted…. And I had the pleasure of meeting my birth family too. How could I forget this little fact???
It solved a lot of the mystery of who I was, but they just don’t seem to be that great of people. My dad was a very smart, selfish man who drank himself to death this year. My older brother is cool, but he destroyed his body with alcohol and hard drugs, to the point that no one is quite sure how he is still alive. My mother is… well… unique. She’s proud, stubborn, quiet, frustrated, hurt, and causes her problems by herself…. And I’m just like her. I started my page because I've never fit in anywhere… A liberal in a right wing family, our interpretation of the bible is completely different, my goals in life are different, friends, family, you name it. I never felt in place. I even feel like my own wife hates me because of things I did to cause it.
So, what does this all have to do with cherishing the moment and positive thoughts, and rays of sunshine, and rainbows, and happy things, and unicorns, and fairies, and all that crap??? It’s quite simple. I don’t. Yea… you heard that. I. DON’T. CHERISH. THE. MOMENT. EVER. I just…. well… can’t.I look at my daughter all excited over a cookie or chocolate, my son over a new Pokémon episode or some new cool thing from school, or my wife with something from work or her life. I see all these things, and it tickles my heart and makes me feel good and all that stuff that it’s supposed to. However, I've forgotten how to truly cherish the moment or think positive thoughts. I've worked so hard at blocking everything out that I've forgot how to love others around me, or to make happy memories. I've forgotten how to just savor the moment. I've forgotten how to store, and recall, and re-process the memories. I've forgotten the things that make life worthwhile. Here’s the problem, it’s all right in front of my eyes, and I completely suck at being the least bit thankful and/or grateful for it at all. It’s all right in front of me, and I need to learn how to process it again. I am learning that it’s OK to feel again. Even a bit of pain and disappointment is OK too. I've done so well at suppressing everything that I’m missing out on everything. I think some of this comes naturally from growing up, some of it comes from some things that happened, and some of it comes from my own stupidity and stubbornness. I've come a long way over the past few years. I've found friends that have had similar experiences. I finally got in with a good therapist. I’m getting help. I’m seeing things in my kids that I've never seen before. Just that sheer simplistic joy in the everyday. That joy because Elmo comes on, or a new video game comes out, getting a good hit in a Little League game, cuddling and having a bottle with mommy or daddy. I’m learning to appreciate and cherish the memories having dinner with my family, doing a good job, gardening, or playing with my kids. I may act like I hate it when they tickle me… I’m really ticklish… but deep down inside I love it. I’m trying to give my kids a bond that I never had. I’m even trying to form that bond with my parents and family. I’m trying to fix things up with my wife. Even the other day she asked me if I had forgotten to be romantic. (The answer is probably yes…) You should see the positive in the little nuisances of life. It’s amazing to see what you miss out on if you fail to cherish the little moments in life. .